A Poem for my Son

My dear child, you need to know

How much we wanted you

The things we did, the money we spent

To make our dreams come true

We tried and tried by ourselves for awhile

Thinking it would happen soon

Then we went to the doctor and had some tests

And discovered some saddening news

Having you wasn’t going to come easy

We had to give patience a try

We did what they said and prayed every month

And wished on every star in the sky

The days and weeks turned into months

And the months turned into years

We tried many things, to no avail

The end result was just more tears

All the pills, the shots, the ultrasounds

Nothing worked out the way we hoped

We finally decided to stop for a while

We needed some time to cope

Then one fateful day the whole world changed

There were two lines instead of one

You were growing inside at that moment in time

All the crying was finally done

We couldn’t wait to meet you

And see your precious smile

To know that all the tests and tears

Would finally be worthwhile

It was a long 10 months while you grew and grew

But there were so many special things along the way

We heard your heart beating and then felt you kick

Those were some amazing days

And when you were finally ready to make

Your grand entrance into our hearts

It was a long and very difficult time

But then again, it was from the start

When they pulled you out and we heard that first cry

It was the most amazing sound to our ears

After all the time spent wishing and waiting

Our little miracle was finally real

Being a parent is the world’s best gift

If only we could freeze these moments in time

You will never know how much I love you

Sweet little child of mine

6.15.12

Funny Friday

We all do it. We laugh at things we know we shouldn't or things that are wrong, or even things we may be guilty of ourselves. Here's a list of some of the funniest things we know we shouldn't laugh at but do anyway.

1. Ugly Babies

2. People who walk with something heavy in one hand and have to lean really far the other way to balance themselves.

3. When someone turns around and goes back the same way they were coming.

4. Cops riding anything except police cars: Bicycles, Boats, and especially Horses.

5. People who say stupid things but really mean them.

6. Girls that wear belts that have no function and are not even attached to anything.

7. Cats wearing clothes.

8. People who animatedly sing in their car.

9. Fanny packs.

10. Guys who drive with their shirts off.

11. When you tell someone to watch out and they don’t.

12. People who have full protective gear on when they ride a bicycle or roller blade (kneepads and everything).

13. When you catch someone talking to them selves.

14. Stupid car horns.

15. Clowns and mascots. Not because they are funny, but because they are sad. And scary.

16. When someone turns around to say something to the person they are with and find that they aren’t there anymore.

17. Anytime someone runs into something.

18. The plural of “Salami"

So what does everyone else laugh at that they shouldn't?

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom…I made and ate hot meals. I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom... I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

 Before I was a Mom... I didn't worry whether or not plants were poisonous. I never thought about Immunizations.

Before I was a Mom... I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on or pinched by tiny fingers. I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, and my body. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom... I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom... I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom... I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom... I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

What Nobody Told Me About Trying to Have a Baby...

I found this from my old blog, and it still rings true today, even though I'm finally a mommy, I just had to share it again for anyone that hasn't had their dreams come true yet.

That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.

That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.

That the longer you try to conceive the more pregnant women spring up around you.

That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.

That one day you wouldn't mind checking your cervical mucous or cervical position to see if it is your fertile period.


That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.

That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm

That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month

That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work too)

That you have no control over some of the goals you set...

That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!

That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.

That miscarriage is so common.

That I would wish we had started trying to conceive earlier.

That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.

That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!


That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.

That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.

That my husband is the most wonderful and caring man!

That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!

Tat women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!

That I could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unnecessary.

That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my DH about it.

That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.

That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.

That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.

That having flo show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.

That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.

Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.

That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.

That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to trying to conceive.

That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart an hpt in the hopes there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.

That infertility is more common than you think.

That one day all of this will make us stronger.

That there is sometimes darkness (infertility) before the light (a baby).

That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.

That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.

That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.

That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.

That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence.

That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies

That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.

That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).


That I should have become a gyno-which I think at this point I know more then some.

That some people just say the wrong things.

That sex would ever become a chore!

That actually having a miscarriage would allow me to understand the loss that others have felt.

That miscarriage would make me want a baby even more than before!

That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."


That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have.

That I would be so sad, and ashamed.

That I would learn to speak in code

That when aunt flow showed up you would feel broken and dysfunctional.

That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.

That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your Fertility Monitor  says high or peak.

That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.

That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.

That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.

That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would infuriate me beyond belief.

That someone would suggest adoption to me in order to get pregnant (because it happened to a friend of theirs) before I had even had any testing done.

That my friends who started trying to conceive 1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with 2 before we get pregnant with 1.

That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."

That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.

That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the witch!

It's good to know I am not alone.

That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.


That I would yell at commercials on the TV (that "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.")

That I would have to stop watching Birth Day and A Baby Story (two shows I love) because it just hurts too much.

That sex does NOT ALWAYS equal pregnancy or STD every time

That your body has its own mind.

That you would cry your eyeballs out because Aunt Flo showed up

That you would be jealous when everyone around you gets pregnant.

That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.

Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.

That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.

That you feel useless as a female

That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children


That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".

That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad

A Few of Carsons's Favorite Things!

As Carson is growing, we are discovering more and more things that he likes. Here are a few of them in pictures.


Telling stories...

 Sharing the Boppy with Coal...

 His MAM paci...

Bath time...he makes the same funny face every time he gets in but loves relaxing in the warm water.

 New today...sleeping on the Boppy

The Eagles...:)

 Monkies...

 Yawning oh so cutely...

 Sleeping with his arms by his face...

 Making funny faces...

 Mommy...

 Daddy...

 His swing...he falls asleep in it every time.

 Smiling...especially at Daddy.

 His bouncer...

 His play mat...

 His car seat...falls asleep in that, too.

1 month old!

Carson is one month old today. I can't believe how fast he is growing and changing. At his 3 week appointment last week, Dr. Heiar said he was growing well and everything looked perfect. He weighed 9 lbs, 7.8 oz and was 23 inches long. I think he scooted a bit when she was measuring his length though, because I know he's grown, but I don't think he's grown 3 inches in length in 3 weeks of life. :)
We don't have to come back until he is 2 months old, and then we have to have the dreaded shots, which won't be any fun for mommy. It's the week I go back to work, so I will be taking him on my lunch hour, I don't know if I'll be able to go back to work or if I'll be crying too much.:(
At one month old, Carson is:

-Eating 4ish ounces of breastmilk every 2-3 hours during the day, has one stretch of sleeping 4-5 hours at night, and then up to eat again in 3 hours after that.
-Wearing size 1 diapers
-Sleeps in the bassinet in his pack-n-play
-Loves to be swaddled at night
-Enjoys baths more that his umbilical stump fell off on May 16th
-Wearing newborn and 0-3 and 3 month clothes, depending on the brand. He is long through the torso and has short legs, so he needs newborn bottoms and larger tops. He has a drawer full of 3 month pants that are several inches too long for him!
-Smiling occasionally, especially if you kiss all over his face or smile at him
-Enjoying tummy time, and is getting a pretty strong neck
-focusing on faces of people
-Being alert and awake more during the day
-Taking more interest in his play mat and hitting the things that hang down sporadically
-Cooing every once in awhile, it's the cutest thing ever!
-Sticks his fingers ( or fist, or bib, or mom's fingers) in his mouth when he's hungry, or if you hold his face up to your face, he tries to eat your cheeks
-Tooting with the force of a 30 year old man! Seriously, this kid is not a shy pooper.

Here are some pictures of Carson over the last month!

Carson Carson Carson

My sweet baby boy is 4 weeks old today. I can't believe how fast it is flying by. My maternity leave is half over, and the thought of having to leave him all day to go to work breaks my heart.
Carson and I are getting to know each other pretty well. He's a very mellow baby and really only cries when he's hungry. Sometimes it's an hour after he's last eaten, sometimes, 3, and sometimes at night he can go for 6 or 7 hours. Other times he cries 10 minutes after he's finished a bottle because he's a piglet and isn't satisfied. For the most part, he eats 4 oz. at a time. I think it's all going to his cheeks. :) He weighed 9 lbs, and 7.8oz. at his last appointment.
He LOVES food. He loves to cuddle and snuggle and wants to be held all the time. He loves his pacifier. He loves to be swaddled at night, although he didn't at first, and he does let you know in the morning when he's had enough and wants freedom. He hates being naked. He is indifferent about diaper changes...sometimes he cries, other times he could care less. He loves to smile at his daddy. He loves to be talked to. He loves bath time, after he gets over being naked. He falls asleep in his car seat going for rides or walks. He does great in the car. He hates his crib and sleeps in the bassinet in his pack and play. He hates tummy time on the floor, but likes to hold his head up when he's being burped. Before he cries he scrunches up his face into an adorable pout that melts my heart He has a big head and short, skinny legs. He wears newborn pants and 0-3 month tops, and one piece items are too big for him, he looks like a gangsta. :)
 He's starting to grab on to things...like my heart. :) He definitely has his mama wrapped around his finger.
I knew motherhood would be amazing, that is why I fought so long and hard to get it. But it's even more amazing than I ever imagined it could be.