Saturday, September 24, 2011

We hoped and prayed it would happen some day and Oh we're pregnant by the way!

The next chapter of our story begins on August 21. Well, it actually began a few weeks before that, but since we’re all adults here, I don’t think I need to explain those happenings to everyone.
I woke up in the morning, and for some reason, the thought popped into my head that my period hadn’t started yet. I tend to have long cycles, but when I got to counting the days, it had been 37 days since the first day of my last period (July 16) and that is long, even for my wacky body.

I was getting ready to go to WalMart to pick up a couple of things. I’m not sure I even remember what they were at this point, I think maybe mascara and something else. I decided while I was there to pick up a box of pregnancy tests, just to rule it out, knowing full well that it would be negative. I was so sure it would be negative that I didn’t even tell Brent I was going to buy one.

After my shopping excursion, I decided to do what I used to do every month, but had stopped doing a while ago…pee on that darn stick, and pray that it turned out positive.
I did my business, and while putting the cap back on, the second line starting showing up instantly. I didn’t even have the cap fully on before it showed up. It showed up even before the control line, or the “evil not pregnant line” as I like to call it.
I’m not sure if I got my pants pulled up before I walked out of the bathroom or not. Luckily it was just me, Brent, and the furkids, so it wasn’t anything unseen to any of them! J Brent is sitting on the couch on his laptop, and I walk up to him, shaking, saying “I don’t believe it!” and shoving the pregnancy test in his face. I think it took him about 30 seconds to register what I was shoving in his face, and then he just looked at me in shock. The look on my face had to have been priceless at this point. I am pretty sure that I said “I don’t believe it” about 12 more times before we hugged and I started crying.
I’m sure for most women, the moment they find out they are pregnant is overwhelming and exciting, but I don’t think anything can top the rush of emotions a woman struggling with infertility feels. Especially when you’ve pretty much given up, and assumed that a pregnancy was never going to happen for you.
Throughout the day, I kept looking at the pregnancy test. I took a picture of it. I stuck it in Brent’s face several times. I showed it to my dog, and my cat. I looked at it in the mirror. I wanted to carry it around everywhere with me, and sleep with it under my pillow, but Brent said no. To this day, I still have that pregnancy test in my purse. And yes, the cap is on!
Over the course of the next week, I took several more tests. They were all positive.
But that didn’t calm my anxiety. I know how it feels to lose a baby, and the last time we discovered we were pregnant, the joy was ripped from us a week later. We kept the news to ourselves for a week, and really, I was just waiting for it to happen again. But it hasn’t. The following Sunday we told Brent’s parents, and then Wednesday we told my parents. I wrote them a poem, which I will share with you all now.

We have some good news to send your way
We know how much you’ve been waiting for this day
Maybe not as much as us, but surely close behind
This news is pretty awesome, it will probably blow your mind
If you are not sitting down, I suggest you do that now
We never thought this day would come but it’s here…some way, some how.
The suspense is building as you read this poem, word for word and line for line
It’s time to share the secret that we’ve been holding for some time
A few months down the road from now, there’s someone you’ll want to know
Someone you’ll want to call your own, to watch play and laugh and grow.
The dream we’ve had for 3 long years is finally coming true
We’re overwhelmed by the wonderful news we have to share with you
We’re so excited, blessed, delighted, and overjoyed
Towards the end of April, there will finally be a LITTLE LLOYD!!!
Yes, I swear, you read that right, grandparents you will be…
I can’t believe it’s finally happened…pregnant, knocked up, and having a baby!!

We didn't really share the news with anyone else until Thursday, after we had our first doctor's appointment. We had an ultrasound and got to briefly hear the heartbeat, and amazingly, everything is going great so far. The heartbeat was 171. The baby looks like a little jelly bean right now at 9 weeks. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I still am in shock and awe that this happened. I really thought our path to parenthood was headed towards adoption...many years down the road when we could afford it. But, miracles do happen, and God does answer prayers, just in his own time.
We thank everyone so much for all their prayers and well wishes. Please continue those until our due date of April 25. We are praying so hard for a healthy baby.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I Would Die for That

I randomly came across these song lyrics while googling something today, this song was on a video a couple had made to share their infertility journey. The song is called "I Would Die for That" by Kellie Coffey.
I feel like these words have been ripped from my soul. If I was to write a song about what infertility and wanting a baby feels like, I could have done any better than this.
Sometimes I find inspiration in the strangest things. A quote, a song lyric, a passage from a book. It comes in all forms. Maybe my sharing this will give someone else some inspiration...

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.