Friday, October 2, 2009

Moving ON...

This has been a really rough week for me. Yesterday, October 1, would have been the due date of our first child had we not suffered a miscarriage. I still have a big hole in my heart from that day, and the fact that I am no closer to having a baby in my arms now than I was then makes it even harder. Not only was yesterday my due date, but it was the end of hopes for another month...officially 10 months of trying and nothing...
I have dreaded this day coming, but now that it is over, I know I need to move on. I will never forget my lost child, but I know I can't spend the rest of my life dwelling on it.
Trying to get pregnant has been the single hardest thing I have ever gone through. And I know we've still got a journey ahead of us, it's not going to get any easier. I'm holding out for a miracle to happen in the next couple months before we seek a doctor's help...I'm not sure if I can handle finding out something is wrong with one or both of us.
But from this day forward, I am moving on and looking towards a brighter tomorrow. As heartbreaking as this process has been, it's made me a stronger person, and it's strengthened my bond with my husband.
With all my heart, I know one way or another, someday, somehow, I will be a mother.
I'm ending this post with a poem that touched my heart...

Daddy, please don’t look so sad
Mama please don’t cry
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
And He sings me lullabies
Please, try not to question God
Or think He is unkind
Don’t think He sent me to you
And then He changed his mind
You see, I am a special child
And I’m needed up above
I’m the special gift you gave Him
The product of your love
I’ll always be there with you
And watch the sky at night
Find the brightest star that’s gleaming
That’s my halo’s brilliant light
You’ll see me in the morning frost
That mists your window pane
That’s me in the summer showers
I’ll be dancing in the rain
When you feel a little breeze
From a gentle wind that blows
That’s me, I’ll be there
Planting a kiss on your nose
When you see a child playing
And your heart feels a little tug
That’s me, I’ll be there
Giving your heart a hug
So daddy, please don’t look so sad
And mama, don’t you cry
I’m in the arms of Jesus
And He sings me lullabies

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