Tuesday, August 21, 2012

August 21

One year ago today, my life changed forever. All of the dreams, wishes, and prayers of the last 3 years had finally come true. When I opened that pregnancy test, I never expected to see two lines, I really didn’t. I had seen so many negative tests over the years, I was so used to only seeing one line, I didn’t believe it when I saw two.

My emotions were crazy that next week, and really, through most of the pregnancy. I was completely overjoyed and absolutely terrified at the same time. I wasn’t terrified about being a mother or having a child, I was so scared of losing the pregnancy, since that happened the last time. I did eventually relax and enjoy most of the pregnancy, but I never did completely get rid of that anxiety.

I had a lot of fun over those next 8 or so months planning for our little monkey. I debated about finding out the sex, how to decorate the nursery, names, and things I would and wouldn’t do.

I loved being pregnant. I loved the milestones….1st trimester, 2nd trimester, ultrasounds, feeling him kick, everything.

And now, I have everything I could have ever wanted. I am finally a mom. I have the most perfect little angel in the whole world, who was so worth all the struggles and tears. I would do anything for that little boy. His smiles melt my heart into a big puddle of Carson. I don’t know how I ever lived without him, or how I could ever live without him now.

He is truly my miracle. I have loved him every minute of this last year, even before I knew him. From the moment those two lines showed up, I was done for.

Someone told me once that children choose their parents. They come down from Heaven at just the right time to meet their moms and dads and become a family. There might have been other babies that thought about choosing us, but Carson was meant for us.

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